The Secret to Great Relationships Starts in Childhood

Why are some people so good at building and keeping great relationships, while others struggle? A massive new study of over 200,000 people across 22 countries suggests the answers might be found in our childhoods. Researchers asked adults how content they were with their friendships and relationships.

“A warm, supportive childhood sets us up for social success, while a painful one casts a long and lasting shadow.”

Then, they looked back, asking about their lives as children: What was their relationship with their parents like? Did their family struggle with money? Did they feel safe and healthy? By connecting these childhood experiences to adult relationship quality, a clear picture emerged.

A warm, supportive childhood appears to set us up for social success. People who had good relationships with their mother and father, felt financially stable, were healthy, and even those who regularly attended religious services as kids reported having better, more satisfying relationships as adults. Conversely, painful childhoods cast a long shadow. The study found that experiencing physical or sexual abuse or feeling like an “outsider” in one’s own family were two of the strongest predictors of having poor-quality relationships later in life. The data also revealed a few surprises: women and older adults consistently reported higher satisfaction with their relationships, suggesting that we may prioritize our connections differently as we age.

This research shows that our earliest experiences can create a powerful blueprint for how we connect with others. It’s not about blaming the past, but understanding how it shapes the present. To build a world with stronger social bonds, we must start by creating safe, loving, and healthy environments for children.